This past weekend I attended a BBQ with a small group of friends, several of us not married, some had been once before. As my friend Jenny and I reflected on the lovely evening, I realized that there is so much FEAR driving, or rather paralyzing Christians who are hoping to have a wonderful Godly marriage!
- Fear of rejection
- Fear that our “people-picker” will pick the wrong person, again!
- Fear of falling off the seemingly very narrow path of purity
- Fear of failure!
- Fear of another chunk of their heart being ripped out.
- Fear of....
I heard somewhere that “Do not Fear”, or “Do not be afraid” (“fear not” etc.) is in the bible 365 times, and it is a message God is speaking loudly to me these days. Sometimes God has a “still small voice”, but other times He makes sure you don’t miss His point. You’ve had this experience too, and for me it started with awareness and a question, “Do I have fear about this potential relationship and man?” hmmmm... fear? My bookclub/bible-study was talking about it (see below); then the presenter at a business meeting was telling me (and everyone else) to deal with my fear - and do something that scares me every day; then my bathroom Oswald Chambers said, DO NOT FEAR; and even the sales book I opened said, “How to deal with your fears.”
“OK! I hear You God!”
My relationship fears surfaced recently like an irritating rash!
The good news? I met a wonderful man on Christian Mingle 2 months ago! From my perspective, I believe God had us on a slow path of getting to know each other to allow my fears to surface, so that I could see the real source, surrender them again to the Lord, and ask for His healing Love to wash them away.
And surface they did! Did you know that texting a conversation does not always go well? And there is A LOT of room for misunderstanding? As the weekend began, a few text messages were exchanged that I interpreted incorrectly, and suddenly my fears triggered my deepest insecurity,
and voila!
I transformed into “Wiggy-Girl”
Bridget Jones - a classic Wiggy-Girl
In hindsight, Saturday’s episode of Wiggy-Girl was hilarious, but at the time, it was SO not funny. I was almost in tears (but trying not to cry because I was putting my mascara on and had to rush to a meeting), because I completely misunderstood the text conversation.
Wiggy is a term my friend Jeanie and I use when we fall into the pit of insecurity, and we simply get “wiggy.” We need our mutual support to talk each other off of the ledge of doing or saying something that would be detrimental to our persona of the faith-filled woman of God, temporarily sabotaging our relationships. Thankfully my wigginess did not push the nice man completely away, and by the end of the weekend, I received a “rose” from this bachelor. Not a literal rose, but the “I pick you rose.” Yes, there were other contenders for the bachelor’s attention, which was not helping the whole fear and insecurity situation, but God knew what I needed to walk through before beginning a new relationship.
While the Bachelor was camping, and my texting under control, I invited God to show me the root of my fears. I realized that the anticipated feeling and fear of rejection was very familiar, I was leaning into it, and I had to pray myself out of that comfort zone! It was familiar, therefore somewhat comfortable, but that feeling was not the truth.
Coincidentally my bible study just finished reading the Beth Moore book, "So Long Insecurity". The last chapter sums up the book quite well:
TRUST GOD!
Plain and simple. Not easy, mind you, but basic and uncomplicated. You don’t always have to hash it all out. Sometimes you can make a single swift decision. As Christ said to a wavering disciple you just have to make up your splintered mind to ‘stop doubting and believe’ (John 20:27). Believe that He loves you and has you covered and takes every one of your hits as if they were aimed at His own skin. Get down to the bottom of what frightens you, and then pitch it to Him like a hot potato. Let’s freeze on those three words tucked into the middle of the previous sentence for a minute:
What frightens you?
Whenever you get hit by a wave of insecurity, the wind driving it is always fear. This is true whether the flare-up is monumental or comparatively mild. The moment you’re cognizant of an outbreak of insecurity, learn to check your heart for what you’re afraid of. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll rarely come away from that diagnostic test empty-handed.
Learn to instantly identify it. Trade it in for TRUST [in God.]
“[She will have NO FEAR of bad news; [her] heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. [Her] heart is SECURE, [she] will have no fear; in the end [she] will look in triumph on [her] foes.” (Psalm 112:7-8)
God bless you with His perfect peace today, and may you be set free from your Wiggy-Girl today!
AND - do something that you scares you regarding finding love, and a new relationship!
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
AMEN! [so be it!]”
Expecting to be amazed ~
Barbara
© Barbara Nelson – 2012
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